I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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