I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
