have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Randomize
