I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
