Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(520): View more from Arizona

please come you make the beer taste better

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.

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(407): View more from Florida

sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.

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(630): View more from Illinois

note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...

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(514): View more from Quebec

you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes

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(617): View more from Massachusetts

I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.

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(518): View more from New York

Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.

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(402): View more from Nebraska

All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.

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(907): View more from Alaska

Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..

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