i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
