Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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