we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I may, or may not have licked his face in an Applebee's.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
