Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
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