i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
one two three fourrrrnication!
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
