What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
You know, be my cock's hype man.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
