I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
