She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
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