He kissed a someone with a penis
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
