I'm eating all of the evidence.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
