and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
I wonder if you could grow some weed in a chia pet
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
3 2 1 whiskey
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Randomize
