i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
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