oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
