so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
