I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Randomize
