its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
