I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize
