For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
