the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
