This girl is more easily done than said...
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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