I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
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