you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
