guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
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