U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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