he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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