There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
