party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
I accidentally burped into my bong.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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