ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
