I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
