Umm I'm too high to move.
Michael Bay diarrhea
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Randomize
