theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I'm going to fuck every single member of the men's olympic swimming team and no one is going to stop me
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
