i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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