good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
