they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Randomize
