did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
