so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
