we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
The uberlube is also flammable
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Randomize
