had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
