The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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