Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Randomize
