My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
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