her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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