yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
