I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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