My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
