Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
