my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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