no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i mean let's face it...the pregnant girl was really slowing us down.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
