searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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